The Tension in our Souls
by Literary Assassin
Summary: Waaay back when Elias had Taylor kidnapped and John bought him home. Now that he's home, Carter has to face a few truths about her relationship with John, and what it entails. Mostly smut, cos really, why not.


**A/N: A little something I wrote ages ago, then forgot about. I'm a bit of a John/Joss shipper, as you can see, so let's see how I go :D It's not beta-ed, and it's definitely not safe for work. A little smut to ease the tension in our souls.**

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As John watched Taylor run to his mother, he couldn't help but stay and watch Joss hold her son, tears shining in her eyes. He suddenly realised what the feeling inside his chest really felt like; where he had felt it before. Jessica had been the love of his life, but as he stood there, he realised that perhaps fate wasn't done with him. He was floored by the realisation that he was in love with Joss Carter.

He snapped back to reality with thoughts running through his head and caught Joss looking at him. He could almost feel her eyes burning into his soul and he had to try very hard not to give anything away. There was something in her eyes that made John's heart beat faster and his whole body thrum. She nodded to him, in thanks perhaps, John wasn't sure but he let her see his smile, just for a moment. She could never know how he felt, but he was pleased that Taylor was home, that he could bring him home for her.

He walked away, knowing that Joss would want to get Taylor home, check him out and make sure he wasn't hurt. After bidding good night to Finch, John went back to his room, and sat on his bed, looking at the walls. His feet were itching and he knew what he wanted to do, but he also knew what he shouldn't do.

There was no way that it was a good idea to take himself to Joss' neighbourhood. It wasn't until he caught his reflection in the glass of the shop fronts he was already on his way to her place. The rational side of him wanted to make sure they were safe, that there was no on-going danger for her and her son. The irrational side of him merely wanted to see her.

Against his better judgement John stood watching Joss' home for a moment before realising he needed to be close, he needed to have an eye on her and on her son. He needed them to be safe, and the only way he could do that would be to be there, to make sure that he would be on hand if he needed them. He knew the likelihood of the man Finch had dubbed 'scarface' coming back was slim, but he didn't want to take the chance. Or rather, that was the excuse he gave himself.

Peering into the window he saw Joss sitting on Taylor's bed, stroking the boy's hair while he slept. He wanted to go; he wanted, for once, to mind his own business, but when he saw the light in Joss' eyes his feet refused to move. He was torn, he was so conscious of her privacy, she was such a private person and he wanted to respect that. He just couldn't.

A disturbance on the road drew John's attention for a moment and he felt a moment of panic when he turned to see her gone. Scrambling up the fire escape he stood outside in the cold, his heart beating intensely until he finally caught sight of her. She had removed her jacket, rolling her head as she tried to work out the stress of the day. He ached to rub those shoulder, to remove the stress he put on her, he should never have asked her to help them. She had owed him one for saving her life, but he should have let her pay it back and be gone.

She moved from the bed to her bathroom and John felt terrible when he found himself wishing that he could follow her. As he stood on the balcony he felt his heartbeat quicken again as he imagined being in the room with her, being welcome in her home. He imagined helping her remove her top, kissing her chocolate shoulders and running his tongue up her beautiful neck. He imagined the noises she would make as he reached around and cupped her breasts. He felt his pants tighten and he shifted restlessly trying to take the pressure off his hardening manhood.

He watched her appear again, wearing something that didn't help his burgeoning shaft. As he was taking some deep breaths to try and control himself his phone started ringing. Thinking it was Finch, he sighed, moving off her balcony to the dark corner he answered it.

"John?"

He leant against the wall as he voice filled his head.

"Carter?" he asked, peering back around the wall, "are you alright?

"I just-"

John waited for her to say more, but as he moved to watch her through the window he could see her sitting in silence. John was stuck for words, but decided to let her take the lead for once.

"What are we doing John?" She whispers.

Feeling a little braver after hearing her whisper he walks forward, so she can see him if she turns and stand there, finally putting a voice to his thoughts.

"I don't know, but if you let me in we can find out." he says making sure she can hear the smirk in his voice as she looks up and realises he's standing there.

Without returning the smile, she walks to the window and lets him in, returning to the bed and waiting for him to speak.

"I'm sorry." He breathes as he kneels before her. She gasps when she realises what he's doing - John Reese bows to no one. "I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry for putting you in position." He said, leaning his head on her lap. "Please forgive me."

"How can I be mad with you after tonight?" She whispered, running her hands through his hair. "Thank you John."

There was a moment when John thinks about leaving, and a moment when Joss thinks about making him, but instead she leans forward, running her nose along his.

"You don't have to do this," he says carefully, trying to gauge why she was doing what she was doing.

"Yes I do." She said, cupping his face and staring into his eyes. "Because as much as I've tried to fight it, I'm in love with you John, and after tonight I just don't have the energy to fight it anymore."

"I love you Jocelyn." She smiles when she hears her name from his lips.

"Say that again, say my name John." She whispered, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him closer as she parted her knees and wrapping her strong calves around his thighs.

"Jocelyn, it's been a while, I, I don't know what I-"

"Shh, it's been eight years since my, well, it's been a long while for me too."

"Don't be afraid to talk about him," John says, stroking the side of her beautiful face. "He was a part of you, still is." he said smoothing his hand gently over her stomach.

"Not in our bed John." she said quietly, refusing to look up.

He lifted her chin, forcing her to look at him and smiled when he saw the slight blush.

"No, not in our bed."

He kissed her.

It was like nothing he'd ever felt as a part of him loosened, then let go as he ran his large hands from her knees at his side up her thighs, over her hips and under the tank top she was wearing. He groaned into her mouth as their tongues met in the most sensual movement he'd felt since Jessica. Her skin was so soft, yet hard as he stroked up her ribs and traced the underside of her breasts.

"John." she sighed, letting her head fall back as he lifted her shirt, stopping for a moment as he took in her flat stomach, running his thumb across the inked skin, only now realising what it was hiding.

"I-" Joss stopped, covering herself with her hands and trying to move away.

John stopped her, pulling her back and kissing her once again, gently prizing her hands away and replacing them with his own.

"Don't hide from me. You are beautiful." he whispered, against her lips, pushing her backwards so she lay on the bed, her hair fanned around her face. "God you're beautiful." he whispered, pushing her top back up and kissing his way along the hidden scar that bore her son.

As she said his name once more, in reverence almost, he smiled against her silky skin.

"John, please come here." she said tugging on his hands that were stroking her breasts so carefully. "I want to hold you, I need to hold you."

John sat back on his heels, taking in her beautiful form and shrugging off his suit jacket. His shirt clung to his form and he leant forward, careful not to crush her as he hovered above her.

"Come here." she whispered, pulling him down so he was lying on top of her. "I need to feel you."

John lowered his body onto hers and felt her sigh as he worked his lips across her face, pressing tiny kisses, barely whispers of his love for her all over her skin.

His hands started to wander as she wrapped her leg around his thigh, using it to keep him in place as she scored her nails lightly along his back.

"Joss." he hissed, bucking just a little. "Keep that up and you won't be very happy with me." he said, blowing in her ear and making her giggle.

The banter eased the tension a little and he used the opportunity to relieve her of her tank.

"Oh god Joss." he moaned, kissing his way from her jaw down her neck, making sure to leave a mark on her collarbone before coming to her perfect breasts.

"John."

He started slowly, running his tongue around her perfect mounds. She hissed as he nibbled on her nipple, his hand busy at her other one, slowly trailing his finger in a spiral towards her hardening nubs.

"Oh god." she sighed as he yanked the gym shorts down her legs, along with her underwear, leaving her bare to him as she sat back a little to look at her.

"You." he kissed her belly, "are." he sucked her nipple, "perfect." he smirked, kissing her hard, slipping his tongue into her mouth and duelling with her until she relented.

"Please John, let me see you." she whispered, starting on his shirt buttons.

"I," he held her hands, looking into her eyes. "I have scars Joss."

"I know John," she said soothingly, pulling him down so she could hold him.

He wrapped her in his arms and revelled in the motion of her stroking the hair at the back of his head. For once, even with Jessica, he felt at peace. Something he maybe couldn't feel then, because he didn't know he needed to.

She started under his collar, massaging and pressing into his flesh, working out the tension he felt. She moved to his collarbones and he knelt above her, letting her follow him, sitting up against his chest, but still beneath him as she started unbuttoning his shirt. Once it was open, she ran her hands from his pants to his neck, touching as much as she could; making sure her fingers grazed his nipples for a moment before stroking back down his impressive torso. He was right, he did have scars. She stroked her thumb along the one she knew she was responsible for. The one that she was tricked into practically giving him herself.

"It wasn't your fault." he whispered, running his big hands through her hair. "Mark is the best at what he does. He used you."

"I'm sorry." she whispered, kissing his stomach, lingering over the scar, as if her lips could cause the skin to repair, and the damage to disappear.

"Don't be. It brought me to you." he said, tipping her chin and kissing her softly.

The heat started to build again as he kissed her over and over, getting progressively more intense. He loved this woman's taste. He loved the noises she made when he stroked her hips and her thighs.

"John, please." she groaned, running her hand under the band of his pants. "Please."

Using nothing but his mouth on her, he shoved off his pants, finally letting himself rest his weight on her body, groaning as her smooth skin soothed his.

"Oh god Joss." he whispered in her ear as he leaned forward on his forearms. "You are so beautiful."

"John I need you." she groaned, wrapping her legs around his middle and her arms around his shoulders.

"Easy," he whispered, letting himself creep forward, pressing his hard shaft against her centre, "easy baby."

"Oh God." she groaned as he pressed in slowly, feeling her stretch around him. "John, John, John." she chanted as he slowly, but surely rocked gently, treating it like it was her first time, as he finally sank all the way in.

"God Jocelyn, so tight." he groaned, sucking on her neck, leaving a mark.

"Move John, oh god please baby, move." she rambled, her eyes rolling back in her head, and making John breath just a bit harder.

"I love you." he whispered as he withdrew and sank back in, bottoming out and making her wail.

Realising how much noise they were making John kissed her, swallowing her beautiful noises and moans. He moved just a little bit quicker, changing his angle and ginning against her mouth as her nails scored his back.

"John, I'm close, I"

Realising she really was, John let go some of his control and they tumbled over the edge together, groaning quietly and moving frantically as they squeezed every last bit of pleasure from each other.

John fell exhausted onto her, rolling slightly so he didn't crush her, only to find her still clinging to him.

"Don't go." she said, "I need, I just, don't go."

"I'm here Joss."

They lay there letting their breath get back to normal until John felt Joss shiver a little, despite his bulk resting on her. Realising that she wasn't quite ready to let him go John rolled them over, so she was atop of him, making her moan as he hardened and sunk just a bit deeper. Reaching down, he dragged the covers up and covered them up, smiling as she tightened her inner muscles a little with a yawn.

"You wanna go again Detective?" he asked, also pushing a little deeper.

"With you?" she said, cupping his face, "I don't ever want to stop."

They made love many more times, both slowly and intensely. The one constant was that it was deep and loving and everything they wanted it to be.

When they finally collapsed back to the bed, Joss looked around them with a laugh.

"My bed is a mess." she giggled, stroking his chest.

"We'll change the sheets." John said, capturing her hand and kissing her palm. "Go and have a shower and I'll make sure it's fixed."

"I can do it John." she said, leaning up on her elbow and pressing a kiss to his neck.

"If you go and get the shower going I can do it and join you before you even get in." he smirked, making her laugh.

"I'll hold you to that Mr Reese." she said kissing him again and slipping from his embrace.

He watched her go, feeling sated and content. Getting up himself, he pulled on his pants in case Taylor caught him and went to grab more sheets from her linen closet. He knew she wasn't thinking straight, else she would have asked how she knows where they are, but his ego merely swelled to know she wasn't.

It wasn't the only thing that swelled.

It was the quickest sheet change in history and he made it to the shower just as she was washing her hair. Taking full advantage of her busy hands, he pressed his body to her back and reached around, fondling her full breasts. She moaned as he caressed her, kissing her shoulder and loving the slow and gently thrum of their bodies under the water.

Holding her to him, her hair over his shoulder and her face turned towards him, he slipped into her, hearing her sigh over the falling water. His hands never wandered from holding her tight, and her arms never let go of his neck as they rolled their hips towards each other. John felt her tighten and he lifted her leg a little, making her groan again as he pushed deeper.

"Let go baby." he whispered.

He thrust through her orgasm, finally finding his own as she spoke his name, so quietly, with so much feeling.

"I love you." they said together, smiling as they finished washing each other.

John slipped under the clean covers, sighing as Joss rolled into his arms, snuggling up to his and resting on his shoulder.

"Do you want me to leave before Taylor wakes up?" he asked, wondering how much of their life she wanted her son to know. "I don't want to cause problems for you with your son." he said, feeling a little out of his depth.

"No," she said with another yawn. "I want you in my life John. I know it will never be easy, and it will never be something where we can just go out together all the time, but I want you here, with me."

John realised it cost her to admit that and he kissed her, trying to pour all his love for her into that one action.

"I know you think you know what you are getting into, but I have a past, a past that could get you hurt, you and Taylor. I need you to know that I will do everything in my power to make sure that never happens, including letting you go if it comes to it." he said, holding her so tightly he was afraid he might hurt her.

"I know, I understand, but you won't have to let me go John, I'll be with you. Together. We can do this John."

"I want to tell you you're making a mistake, but this can't be wrong." he said kissing her hair, "it can't be wrong."

"Relax John, go to sleep, I'm right here." she said, soothing him gently, "I'm here."

John felt her hands stroking his skin and he felt his eyelids closing. He tried to fight it, knowing that he'd be needed in the morning, knowing he needed to make sure that nothing happened to her during the night, wanting to check on Taylor. But he couldn't, under her soft touch; he fell asleep with a smile on his face.


End file.
